I don’t want to be ill or anything, but the idea of being fat makes me think that I’d like to control my weight forever.

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Thank you for responding so quickly and for your answers. I plan on seeing a doctor soon.

You prompted me, though, to ask questions about my eating habits. I don’t really talk about it, because I am pretty knowledgeable about eating disorders. I understand that it is a mental illness and that the “eating” part is mainly a symptom. I’ve read a lot, but that doesn’t really tell me what to do. The problem is, I don’t really want to get better. I don’t want to be ill or anything, but the idea of being fat makes me think that I’d like to control my weight forever.

When I follow the rules of my diets, I am proud of and very happy with myself, but when I eat a lot – it’s like I hate myself. I’m always looking in the mirror- I have an obsession with finding out which one is the “real” mirror. You know?

I have always been a picky eater, but when I started to try new foods, I started enjoying eating a lot. Food is almost like a drug for me – it’s like when I want something, it’s all I can think about. If I decide to eat on a particular day – I amaze myself with how much I can and do consume. When I diet, I eat breakfast in the morning. I usually eat a bagel, with some fruit, but no matter what I have, I always have some sort of carbohydrate. With my breakfast, I take vitamins. I take a multi-vitamin, chromium picolinate, calcium (I haven’t drunk milk since I was a baby), vitamin C, a caffeine pill, and a diet pill (Dexatrim). I try not to eat anything all day after that, but if I do – I’ll have a couple of pretzels or some candy that is fat-free, but all sugar. I have been doing this on and off for months and in the past, I had other methods. I will usually diet for 2 weeks and then eat for a longer period than that. I fluctuate between weight differences of 15 pounds.

I am 5 feet 5 inches and have a large bone structure, but a petite frame. (I’m not sure if that makes sense.) My average weight is 118, but before I started losing, I was 130.

I would like to get really thin and then begin a proper, healthy diet and exercise regimen – seeing as I have absolutely no physical activity now. I have a lot of fat ripples that I hate. I wonder that if I do lose the weight I want (ideally 105) that I’ll still have the fat ripples. That would devastate me.

I don’t really know what I want to do or why I would want to, but I do know that my body issues are something that accompanies every thought I have. I wouldn’t say that I’m in a horrible mental state about it. It’s just something I deal with.

I have friends who have or are recovering from eating disorders. The eating disorder has taken over their lives and turned them into empty, self-loathing shells, who can’t function in the real world.

Hating your body is this horrible trap of an illness that so many women succumb to and I’m terrified of it happening to me – because I do hate my body, but I’m too in love with my potential as a human being to kill myself like that.

I don’t know if I should mention that a couple of months ago that I had bacterial meningitis and almost died. I had always been healthy before, but now I feel that my medical problems are just piling on top of each other. I want to be good to my body, but I want it to be good to me too.

Whoa, get really thin before starting to eat healthily and exercise? Getting really thin is unhealthy thinking. Your body needs nourishment to keep healthy, especially after a very serious illness like bacterial meningitis. Start to eat 3 meals per day today, right now and begin a reasonable exercise program of 30 minutes 5 times per week.

You are tough on yourself. Are you a perfectionist? It is normal to make mistakes and us humans are inconsistent in our actions. Ease up on your control and enjoy life each day. Ask yourself, why are you obsessive about your weight? Why should nourishing your body cause you to hate it?

No matter how you try to control your weight and prevent yourself from getting fat, you are leading an unhealthy lifestyle that has long-term consequences for your bones, reproduction and just about every organ system in your body i.e. kidneys, heart, etc. Did you know that the damage from severe underweight can be permanent? Vitamin supplements won’t prevent the damage from happening. You need calories, protein, fat, and carbohydrates to keep your body healthy. These are the fuels your body needs to function.

Fat ripples at 118? What you are probably looking at is skin that has lost underlying muscle and healthy body fat due to excessive weight loss and no exercise. You want to look good, start exercising, but please don’t overdo it. Want to eat healthily and maintain a healthy weight? Don’t diet or lose any more weight.

Why do you take caffeine pills? It stimulates your heart to pump harder. Quit them and the Dexatrim now and don’t substitute anything else for these stimulants. Besides, research has shown that Dexatrim only works for a few weeks before your body stops responding to the drug.

Your thinking is getting off track and you need to talk it over with a psychologist who specializes in eating disorders can help you realign your thinking. It’s not healthy to think about food or how you hate your body for most of the day You really need make an appointment before your eating and view of yourself get more distorted. You certainly don’t want to end up like your eating disordered friends, do you?

At 5 feet 5 inches and 118 pounds, you are close to the minimum weight for your height which is 113 pounds. For a person of your height, 105 pounds is unhealthy. Why not focus on developing a strong, healthy body and quit focusing on your weight? Hey, 130 is OK for your height too.

You’re on the brink, come back to the healthy side. You recognize unhealthy eating habits and negative body image in your friends. Make an appointment to see a psychologist today. Also, make an appointment to see a Registered Dietitian who can work with you to create a healthy eating plan.